Thank you
Your support on this forum is just amazing.
I have seen some people go through some shocking grief that has absolutely disabled them so for many weeks I have been preparing myself for this moment. I can't help it but feel that they are also making their dogs spirit sad in some way. I have always worried about what losing such a large, selfless and loving BFF would be like. However I learned that you can never be fully prepared.
i found that over the past year inspirational quotes have found their way to me so I have held on to those. Oakley and Segers Mom kindly guided me to the Pin Interest website which I am so grateful for as it has helped me so much. Those quotes have reminded me that this experience is a test of what Tia has taught me. So often while she was here I would break down in great emotional pain in the shower. As soon as I saw her again my eyes dried up as she had a way of saying 'Don't worry I'm fine (even though she wasn't) I want you to be happy.' I made a deliberate effort to remember this when I knew the dark times would return to haunt me and remember her expression and the message behind her eyes. Even at the end she would always lift her head and have a strong warrior look in her eyes. I have been practicing (but not fully mastering) honoring her in the right way.
My feelings about the after life are a little different from most of the people here. We are all different, just like we all look different we all think differently because life as taught us different things. I personally do not believe that our pups waiting eagerly and patiently just at a bridge just for us. I believe that these pure and amazing souls who we have been blessed to know already know how to love, forgive and show strength. They are the ones who are our masters and are wise souls who have been sent to us to teach us the right way to live and the path to happiness. This is why they do not stay long and why they are so happy. They are here to teach
us. So when I think of Tia now I think of her as the newest spirit guide to join my guardian angel team. I imagine her as a powerful wolf spirit guide just like those of the native American Indians. She has always shown regal strength and confidence and has been highly protective and loving of me. I believe that nothing has changed. However I do believe that the angels have also given her some time to heal and restore and then have a reunion with the souls that are familiar to her, her spirit guides, her spirit family, my family and also her forum family. I believe that there is fun in heaven even for the advanced souls, there is time to play, so I also so imagine her coming together with the dogs on this forum to have fun and enjoy the freedom without the restrictions of a limiting body. She is not restricted she can also be with us when ever she likes.
While this is what I think there are some negative thoughts that have been creeping in to test me. I have to push them away because I have made a commitment to honour her the right way. I have tried to keep myself busy as I knew from experience that the firsts are the hardest. Every room was touched by Tia and her disabilities, we have packed up the non slip rugs, the air conditioners and her medicines because she is not ill anymore so she does not need them. She can move freely around the house because her body does not limit her anymore. Sleeping in my bed has been strange. We realised that we have been sleeping with our mattress on the floor for so long in our lounge that it became normal. The house seems so much bigger but not in a good way.
We took Hudson to the beach and watched him run freely like the wind. The weather was beautiful and the colours seemed to be so much richer. We laughed with him and we spoke about the memories we had of Tia and the look on our parents faces when they met her for the first time, her full on OOOoooorrrrooowwws, the way her lips curled to smile as her eyes beamed, the way that she would rest her head on the coffee table while sitting up, the way she would protect us from small yappy dogs, the way she would sit in the beg position to get our attention for some bacon, how soft her fur was with her crinkle cut ears and the way she would throw a party for us when ever we came out of the shower. She added so many sparkles to our day.
Hudson continues to offer us healing. He flopped down on me for a full body hug and sweetly went to sleep. He is a lovely boy but so very different from Tia. He has his own ways of making us laugh and play even on our darkest days. We invited Hudson in our home when we saw signs of Tia slowing down 2 years ago. He did wonders to lighten her up and keep her entertained. I feel that in some way in the last couple of days he has graduated. I am watching my pup become a proper dog. We are proud of what he has learned from Tia. She is an excellent role model and somehow knew how to handle him so well, except she never managed to stop him from planting a big sloppy kiss on her when ever he wanted and this is something that we also can't control. He is a very smoochy boy.
Sad thoughts continued to touch me in waves so I spent the afternoon focussed on your amazing messages. I am in awe of your kindness and am inspired by it. You guys continue to teach me so much. Your prayers, candles, well wishes and messages have been incredibly powerful and continue to hold their power.
Tia has managed to weave parts of herself into our souls. As Stacy said even now i do not know where she starts and I begin. Many of the messages have received have reflected that so we are truly grateful for our old friends who have reached out to us but also our new ones.
In reality today Hudson and I face the quiet house alone but I intend to spend it surrounded by Tia's reassuring energy and your well wishes.
I hope that you all have the most wonderful day and feel the love from your own precious protective guides.
A Cherokee Legend
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.
"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy,
sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is
joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and
faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."